What Do You See?

(photo courtesy of brainden.com/face-illusions.htm#prettyPhoto)

What do you see? 

An elderly couple gazing at one another?  Or an elderly couple having a contentious stare-down?
Do you see an image of a young man playing a guitar and young woman carrying dishes on her head?  Do you see loving reflections of their younger days together,
or remorse and longing for what used to be? 

What we SEE is relative to our own perception of ourselves, others, and life.

Dr. John Gottman teaches that in marriage, "gridlock" occurs when couples cannot find a way to work through their "perpetual disagreements" (issues that repeatedly come up in the relationship).  Or in other words, they aren't SEEING (taking time to listen, hear, understand) the other person's side of things.  Dr. Gottman's research shows that when couples truly SEE their spouse's dreams ("the hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life"), they are able to get to the root of the disagreement and begin working through it.

(The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p. 238)

Dr. H. Wallace Goddard takes Dr. Gottman's research one step further and applies it to our spiritual natures.  He says, "The natural man is likely to find that resentment and vindictiveness come more easily than charity.  More than we realize, those negative reactions are a choice -- a choice to see in a human, judgmental way.  But we can also choose to see in a heavenly and loving way.
That choice makes all the difference.

Charity can be the lens through which we SEE each other."

(Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, p. 108, italics & caps added)

A well-known scripture that defines charity is Moroni 7:47:
"Charity is the pure love of Christ."
But sometimes that seems like a daunting task, a quality that is unattainable . . . how can we possibly obtain this love?  Dr. Goddard gives great insight on this by breaking down
the phrase "love of Christ" into the following:

1.  Love FROM Christ - Christ loves us.  Each one of us individually, fully, and completely.  He loves us so much that He gave His life for us.

2.  Love FOR Christ - Because of His love for us,
we instinctively want to love Him back!

"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 1:19). Think of this concept by considering even the most cautious of little children . . . as soon as they feel like someone loves them, they give their whole hearts to that person.

3.  Love LIKE Christ - Now we know how to truly love because we are filled with the purest love possible.  If we profess to be Christians, we will love like Christ.  "The surest mark of discipleship is a love for all people -- i.e., charity" (Goddard, p. 112).
And the greatest way to make a difference in this world is to begin showing that charity to our spouse.

Dr. Goddard says, "We are all familiar with the lack of charity.  We have all felt the critical, negative, carping, nit-picking, fault-finding, and grousing attitude that comes easily to the natural man.

Charity does not flow automatically from having an extraordinary spouse.
It is primarily the result of how we choose to SEE each other."

 (Goddard, p. 113, italics and bold added).

I have countless examples of my failures and regrets in my marriage when I have chosen to see my husband through my "natural woman glasses."  Only when I cast off these glasses and pray for Christ-like charity contacts ("lenses") does my marriage flourish and become more beautiful.
Then our future becomes brighter than we could ever imagine as we look towards the promise of Celestial light and glory.